SEIU's Top 10 Reasons Why David Rubenstein Purchased the Magna Carta
It might be all the eggnog we have been drinking this week, or just the unbelievable irony of it all, but SEIU’s folks at BehindtheBuyouts.org couldn’t resist some idle speculation about what may have been going through David Rubenstein’s head this week when he plunked down $21.3 million to buy the Magna Carta, one of the foundational documents of Western freedoms, human rights, and civil liberties.
So, with all due respect to our striking brothers and sisters at the David Letterman Show, here are SEIU's Top Ten Reasons Why Carlyle Group Founder David Rubenstein Purchased the Magna Carta:
- That $21 mil was burning a hole in his pocket.
- 13th century feudalism provides blueprint for personnel policies at Manor Care and other Carlyle-owned companies.
- After executing the expected dividend recapitalization at $1 million per line he could triple his investment within the first six months.
- Being called a nouveau billionaire doesn’t carry same cache as the term “medieval baron.”
- Prop to hold up at next Congressional hearing on tax breaks for buyout billionaires.
- Only way he can legally take an eraser to those pesky sections about due process (while attempting to steamroll regulations designed to protect nursing home residents).
- Finding that perfect holiday gift is a bitch when you are worth a gazillion dollars.
- Human rights charter is the perfect white elephant gift at the Abu Dhabi Government’s holiday party.
- Can’t wait to show his buyout industry buddies the part about how all citizens should be subject equally to the laws of the land.
- The Magna Carta’s Return On Investment is better than Carlyle’s (these days).
Rubenstein’s public statements to the contrary, freedom today does actually have a price. And just in case you were wondering, most of us can’t afford it.
